03-13-2018, 10:55 AM
edit 1;
High Choice
Two men ride bareback, unprotected
high above a level polder
working manfully to fix
a windmill-turbine generator.
Blades run wild, stripped gears ignite
old lubricants---black smoke,
a flaming halo traps the pair.
They hug, as men will in extremis.
Then one leaps for fear of burning
and one burns for fear of falling.
Grace.
Thanks to all the critics, well said. Since most of the change suggestions had to do with S2, this is substantially edited. Hope it's now showing more than telling, and (per @ritwiksadhu33 and @yimbos) less technical/listing.
@yimbos - expanding is a temptation, but more telegraphic seems to work. You may, however, be right.
@Lorvick (and also @ritwiksadhu33) - "unprotected" seems to be a problem. It's retained, rather than an explanation of why lifelines were not used or wouldn't work, because
and I wanted that.
Highly gratified that image and issue were understood - if differently - by all. Thanks also for that!
High Choice
Two men ride bareback, unprotected
high above a level polder
working manfully to fix
a windmill-turbine generator.
Blades run wild, stripped gears ignite
old lubricants---black smoke,
a flaming halo traps the pair.
They hug, as men will in extremis.
Then one leaps for fear of burning
and one burns for fear of falling.
Grace.
Thanks to all the critics, well said. Since most of the change suggestions had to do with S2, this is substantially edited. Hope it's now showing more than telling, and (per @ritwiksadhu33 and @yimbos) less technical/listing.
@yimbos - expanding is a temptation, but more telegraphic seems to work. You may, however, be right.
@Lorvick (and also @ritwiksadhu33) - "unprotected" seems to be a problem. It's retained, rather than an explanation of why lifelines were not used or wouldn't work, because
Highly gratified that image and issue were understood - if differently - by all. Thanks also for that!
Non-practicing atheist