Agent of Vanity

[Richard]

Hey Lorvick,
My biggest suggestion with this poem would be to rewrite it so you're more specific in your images. I'll go into more detail below:

This is my second poem ever, I really want to improve! Please leave a critique, if you have  any suggestions.

Alluring eyes met the gaze of mine -Why are the eyes so alluring? This image needs to be expanded on.

consumed by this beacon of aspiration -Why do the eyes cause the speaker to feel aspiration? What colour are the eyes? There's so much more you could say here.

I paused to absorb a remnant of its shine

reaching out in desperation

to escape my organic confine

pushing further towards liberation  

possessed by the agent of vanity

oblivious to the destination of my affection -The phrase "destination of affection" is too wordy. Why not just "oblivious to my affection"?

walking hand in hand, from sanity -I don't understand the reference to sanity here. Again, this needs to be explored more.

toward the eyes of my reflection

guided by the agent in the mirror

who offers a mask made of glass -I think you should start the poem with this image of the glass mask. It's the strongest one in the poem. I also think it could catch the reader's attention better than talking about the "alluring eyes".

his toll of deceit seen clearer

paid every time that I pass

Overall, I think you have a strong image to work with (the glass mask), and I look forward to seeing where you go next with this piece.

Cheers,
Richard