Second Edit: Ordinary
#2
Hey Richard. A couple little things...

(03-07-2018, 10:23 PM)Richard Wrote:  Ordinary

There's old fears like Bela Lugosi's I think it should be "there are" since fears is plural
threatening accent and strange clothes,
or the dread of sirens, head under desk,
a curse against those godless Reds. this is more commentary than an additional fear - maybe an em dash after desk, rather than a comma which suggests the list continues with "a curse..."
Then there's timeless fears, such as a spider again "there are"? -- would also prefer a semi-colon after "fears" to replace "such as"
tickling your leg until it bites,
heights that nauseate worse than sour milk.
Of course there's courage too, usually arriving maybe strike "of course"
at the worse time like your mother's uncle, worst
who smelled of garlic and could only talk
in the language of the old country.
Hope some of that is useful. Good luck with this.
Paul
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Messages In This Thread
Second Edit: Ordinary - by Richard - 03-07-2018, 10:23 PM
RE: Ordinary - by Tiger the Lion - 03-08-2018, 12:59 AM
RE: Ordinary - by Richard - 03-08-2018, 09:08 AM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by Knot - 03-09-2018, 03:14 AM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by Richard - 03-09-2018, 12:25 PM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by FP123 - 03-11-2018, 04:09 PM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by Richard - 03-12-2018, 09:33 PM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by Suzruth - 04-02-2018, 01:58 AM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by Richard - 04-02-2018, 08:51 AM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by danny_ - 04-03-2018, 11:26 PM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by Richard - 04-08-2018, 09:42 AM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by danny_ - 04-08-2018, 01:45 PM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by allisonkreid - 06-24-2018, 09:21 PM
RE: First Edit: Ordinary - by Richard - 06-25-2018, 01:53 AM
RE: Second Edit: Ordinary - by Richard - 06-26-2018, 09:27 AM



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