02-26-2018, 01:10 AM
Hey Richard, read this yesterday and have taken a little while to absorb it. Had you asked me five years ago about rhyming poetry I would have said NO! in no uncertain terms, now I find myself allowing rhyme to sneak in at night when I’m writing and it’s something you can’t shake until you get it out of your system. I really like this work, especially the way in which rhyme is used to contrast with the bittersweet nature of the subject matter. I do agree with Leanne and a lot of her suggestions in her edit, I think the meter is at times clunky and what that achieves is to throw me from the immediacy of the mise-en-scène.
That being said I would suggest if you could fix the meter so that there is a consistency from S1 through to S3 that use of familiar which I actually like and the way it jars the meter could actually work and help to create a strong dénouement for the piece.
I know its not much, but hope there is something in there to help
Johnny
That being said I would suggest if you could fix the meter so that there is a consistency from S1 through to S3 that use of familiar which I actually like and the way it jars the meter could actually work and help to create a strong dénouement for the piece.
I know its not much, but hope there is something in there to help
Johnny