Edit 7: Reflections in St. Augustine

[Knot]

Hi Alex.

To Display
Title's still a problem

We promised, while our tongues were scorched
and light was bent to seem
                                                like it could quench my thirst,
(do you need 'my'?)
we'd meet again. I never learned how to draw a drink
from parched earth crevices and

I am years in debt. I have no change to spare that kid
'I am years in debt' - good stuff.
(I think 'child' for 'kid', better sonics)
from twenty years ago, just pocket lint and longing
'pocket lint' is terribly clichéd, do you need it? (Perhaps 'empty pockets' ?)
that guides this limestone
got a bit lost on 'guides'
                                             fountain water's ripples into
your new laughter lines.

I don't think this flows naturally out of what comes before.
Frankly, these seem like two separate pieces stuck together.
Both work rather well separately - though the indented lines
don't make much sense in terms of layout - but not together.
I wander in the unknown
builders' stretching steepled shadows—

in St. Augustine, where my parents honeymooned;
(to 'ins' do you need the first?)
now I'm older than they were then. Their painting studio
has become storage for
                                         winter clothes, forgotten toys
and art. It's time I learned practicality when there is
(perhaps 'discarded toys and 'forgotten art' - art really
needs a modifier)
no grey of truth daubed on my palette.
(Do you 'daub' paint on a palette?)

Best, Knot.