02-22-2018, 01:54 PM
The title is so special is rather sad to see it wasted on a mundane poem. The poem could be made much better if you got rid of all the phrases i’m sure you’ve heard a thousand times.
Why do you sit there and judge me for being a loner
When the only time i feel lonely is around you. wordy. why. me?
You who bring me down because if its me, its not you.first thing about the poem that was interesting, but this should be at the end, imo
You who judge me before you know me. I? do? That’s judgy, ain’t it?
Because it's easier to punish me, if you think i deserve it. how have you been punished. To telly
You taught me that if so many people hate me there must be a reason
That there is something wrong with me.
That i deserve it. it is possible for hate to be justified, why isn’t it justified? Preachy.
So many comments and punishments brought me down.
So that when you i'm told i am pretty, i want to cry,
Because all it did was remind me that i wasn't.
Everyday i try to repent so tomorrow will change,
Because I dont want to keep living for a tomorrow that will always be a yesterday.
I regret every day, I should have already ended it.
In time i will be done with yesterday and it will be my last.
You drive me closer to my last, you are killing me.
But its okay, I deserve it, don't I? there is nothing in these past three stanza that is poetic. Poetry can be emotional, but i’m not feeling it. The monotone drone of accusations laden throughout the poem up to this point drag the poem
but i no longer care. 1) by this point, the reader has to be thinking the same thing. 2) WHAT! You just spend half a page waxing on about how the world was unfair, made the reader sit through all that only to follow it up with a “i don’t care”. WHY! We’ve been robbed. This is a stickup.
It's my last yesterday.
Because you taught me and i learned.
If it's someone else, it's not me.
and i judge their flaws,
because they deserve it and i don't feel bad.
People hate them for a reason.
There is something wrong with them.
They deserve it.
I do it because I can't live another yesterday,
but i can survive a tomorrow.
Even if the price of my tomorrow is their yesterday. It feels like you have a bad flux capacitor.
but one day will be their last
and maybe they won't get a tomorrow.
I am killing them
but its okay, they deserve it, don't they?
....
I saw that
Why do you sit there and judge me
for becoming you.
Because this happens every fucking day feels superfluous
and we don't want to think we are part of the problem
We want to think that we are good people
So we call others garbage people
We tell ourselves they are disposable.
So we don't feel guilty sacrificing them for our own gain
because as long as it is anyone else, its not us.
and if they are flawed
They deserve it and we don't feel bad.
Why do you sit there and judge others.
You do it to justify your own actions
You do it to hide your own flaws, even from yourself.
because if it's someone else its not you.
You dont want to be a garbage human
You dont want to be disposable.
You want to be validated.
You want to be worthy.
You want it to be anyone but you. it?
Why do we judge each other
When we are all human. recursivitiy
We are not garbage
We are not disposable
We are flawed but we are worthy
We all just want to be accepted
None of us want to be the victim Who isn’t garbage? There are some people that are garbage, or is no one garbage. Disposable and garbage are the same thing. listing them twice each time does nothing for the poem. Poems aren’t written on a word count
We all want to live to see better days. we do? Suicide statistics seem to sway the argument to the other side.
When we have a bad day we don't want to think tomorrow will just be another yesterday.
Why do we think the only way to change that is by becoming what we hate?
Is it easier to validate ourselves by attacking others?
Does stepping on others bring us closer to the top? who thinks that, the poem has to show the argument, otherwise your just spouting off at the hip. Make the reader feel what you are saying. I would think it would be easier than writing diatribe of accusations and assumptions. It’s almost getting repulsive.
It does, but is it worth it.
If you take away the lies you tell yourself,
Would you still feel like you are a good person?
That people like you?
Do you like you?
I'm not going to tell you that that better day will just come along.
It wont not unless you do something to change your yesterday
but that doesn't mean that you can take your tomorrow from someone else. This is what you should focus on. but, you need examples so you can SHOW. Could you imagine how boring 13 reasons why would be if it was just filled with generic statements of how unfair life was? We get it. We hear it. This is not new information. Make us feel it, you’ve got a poem
“Save me, smiling jesus... get off that cross...”
Why do you sit there and judge me for being a loner
When the only time i feel lonely is around you. wordy. why. me?
You who bring me down because if its me, its not you.first thing about the poem that was interesting, but this should be at the end, imo
You who judge me before you know me. I? do? That’s judgy, ain’t it?
Because it's easier to punish me, if you think i deserve it. how have you been punished. To telly
You taught me that if so many people hate me there must be a reason
That there is something wrong with me.
That i deserve it. it is possible for hate to be justified, why isn’t it justified? Preachy.
So many comments and punishments brought me down.
So that when you i'm told i am pretty, i want to cry,
Because all it did was remind me that i wasn't.
Everyday i try to repent so tomorrow will change,
Because I dont want to keep living for a tomorrow that will always be a yesterday.
I regret every day, I should have already ended it.
In time i will be done with yesterday and it will be my last.
You drive me closer to my last, you are killing me.
But its okay, I deserve it, don't I? there is nothing in these past three stanza that is poetic. Poetry can be emotional, but i’m not feeling it. The monotone drone of accusations laden throughout the poem up to this point drag the poem
but i no longer care. 1) by this point, the reader has to be thinking the same thing. 2) WHAT! You just spend half a page waxing on about how the world was unfair, made the reader sit through all that only to follow it up with a “i don’t care”. WHY! We’ve been robbed. This is a stickup.
It's my last yesterday.
Because you taught me and i learned.
If it's someone else, it's not me.
and i judge their flaws,
because they deserve it and i don't feel bad.
People hate them for a reason.
There is something wrong with them.
They deserve it.
I do it because I can't live another yesterday,
but i can survive a tomorrow.
Even if the price of my tomorrow is their yesterday. It feels like you have a bad flux capacitor.
but one day will be their last
and maybe they won't get a tomorrow.
I am killing them
but its okay, they deserve it, don't they?
....
I saw that
Why do you sit there and judge me
for becoming you.
Because this happens every fucking day feels superfluous
and we don't want to think we are part of the problem
We want to think that we are good people
So we call others garbage people
We tell ourselves they are disposable.
So we don't feel guilty sacrificing them for our own gain
because as long as it is anyone else, its not us.
and if they are flawed
They deserve it and we don't feel bad.
Why do you sit there and judge others.
You do it to justify your own actions
You do it to hide your own flaws, even from yourself.
because if it's someone else its not you.
You dont want to be a garbage human
You dont want to be disposable.
You want to be validated.
You want to be worthy.
You want it to be anyone but you. it?
Why do we judge each other
When we are all human. recursivitiy
We are not garbage
We are not disposable
We are flawed but we are worthy
We all just want to be accepted
None of us want to be the victim Who isn’t garbage? There are some people that are garbage, or is no one garbage. Disposable and garbage are the same thing. listing them twice each time does nothing for the poem. Poems aren’t written on a word count
We all want to live to see better days. we do? Suicide statistics seem to sway the argument to the other side.
When we have a bad day we don't want to think tomorrow will just be another yesterday.
Why do we think the only way to change that is by becoming what we hate?
Is it easier to validate ourselves by attacking others?
Does stepping on others bring us closer to the top? who thinks that, the poem has to show the argument, otherwise your just spouting off at the hip. Make the reader feel what you are saying. I would think it would be easier than writing diatribe of accusations and assumptions. It’s almost getting repulsive.
It does, but is it worth it.
If you take away the lies you tell yourself,
Would you still feel like you are a good person?
That people like you?
Do you like you?
I'm not going to tell you that that better day will just come along.
It wont not unless you do something to change your yesterday
but that doesn't mean that you can take your tomorrow from someone else. This is what you should focus on. but, you need examples so you can SHOW. Could you imagine how boring 13 reasons why would be if it was just filled with generic statements of how unfair life was? We get it. We hear it. This is not new information. Make us feel it, you’ve got a poem
“Save me, smiling jesus... get off that cross...”