Paper Dolls

[Leanne]

Hello moot,

A very good friend of mine once used paper dolls as a metaphor for her decline into Parkinson's disease (to which she later succumbed).  I find your use of them similarly poignant as a social commentary -- to my initial reading, about the need to conform to the perfect image, though I can read this a few different ways.  It is a particularly non-masculine poem.  There are a few issues with it which could be quite easily sorted out; the first and most pressing for me is your use of rhyme with inconsistent meter.  In such short lines, I feel that adherence to meter is fairly important as otherwise your rhymes tend to fall in the wrong places and jar.  This is particularly noticeable in the second and third stanzas.  It is definitely a poem that can be worked with, however.

Paper Dolls - Draft Two

Paper dolls
Cut to please -- this is a very telling line.  To please is their only purpose
In perfect rows
Sharply creased -- implies pain in order to achieve perfection

Bleached doll parts
Creep into slow decay -- perhaps you would consider "in creeping decay" or something similar, for meter
Paper creasing into scars -- similarly, something like "creases to scars"
Sheets of ivory fray -- are they really sheets anymore?

Like a scythe
The clocks hands reave -- this is a bit of a mixed image, but I can stretch to that -- I would probably suggest ditching "like a scythe" though, as the simile weakens the image a bit -- also, *clock's
Paper doll heads tumble -- you could cut "doll" from this line
The end offers reprieve
Infinity never stumbles -- the introduction of infinity at this point is a little problematic straight after talking of an end -- it seems to come from nowhere, and doesn't really work as a contrast to the decay/end concept if that was your intent

Paper dolls stare
Eyes that never blink -- you could remove "that" 
Paper dolls do not care
Paper dolls do not think