This is a good poem (previously Reject Note)
#4
(02-16-2018, 03:29 AM)ritwiksadhu33 Wrote:  Reject Note

This is a good poem.

It speaks sparingly,
and only on matters of great import,          i get the irony.. but still would prefer to plainly read something like "unoffensive matters"    
with well chosen words.
It doesn't carry over, or under.
You relate to it on a subconscious level.
Your subconscious relates to it on a subconscious level.           i´m not that deeply into psychology, therefore unsure if this line makes sense
It comes from a good family.              
An obedient son, caring parent,        
loving husband. Or at least dutiful.              
Somewhat conservative on social issues.        i think this fact is expressed in the line before and maybe "social issues" is hinting too clearly towards things this good poem cleverly pretens to avoid  
Has an affable old guy sort of personality.                                     
The instant you see it you start getting good vibes.             maybe "good vibes" is   a bit over the top.  
It says “thank you” when you offer it tea,
and accepts the proffered cup gingerly,
sippping without a sound - most British.
It inclines its head as it passes you on the street,
acknowledging your existence, but not
enjambing over your awkwardness.                    cool enjambment! "acknowledging your existence, but not"  and the explanation why not follows in this line.      although then it would be better phrased as: "acknowledging your existence but not/ failing to enjamb over your awkwardness".  (just weird thoughts of mine)
It realizes you don't want details.                                                
It pats your dog on the head, calls him “a good boy”.            hmm. nice rebound to the readers. deserved?  thought-provoking?  yes.
For an instant you think it is talking about you.            

Is it publication material?
Maybe but not sure.
It hopes to talk to me sometime later.
Encourage the author to submit again.


"most british" gets a very political aspect concerning you´re from india. and i like that, too, though it makes the poem more specific than it seemed to me.

"it hopes to talk to me sometime later" is a very poignant line.. the other 3 lines surrounding seem distracting to me.

i wonder if the title does your poem justice, since it is written (describing itself) in a way that it would not (overtly) induce rejection.
maybe you could make "this is a good poem" the title and omit "reject note".
...
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Messages In This Thread
RE: Reject Note - by Richard - 02-17-2018, 12:07 PM
RE: Reject Note - by ritwiksadhu33 - 02-18-2018, 09:03 PM
RE: Reject Note - by vagabond - 02-21-2018, 10:28 AM
RE: Reject Note - by nibbed - 02-21-2018, 01:46 PM
RE: Reject Note - by Brillig - 02-21-2018, 02:02 PM
RE: Reject Note - by ritwiksadhu33 - 02-28-2018, 10:36 PM



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