Lumps in the Mousse

[lauraelizdok]

First of all, I love the imagery and metaphor here.

Lumps in the Mousse


God added the black too quick
or failed to stir correctly.
Most bits flow smooth,
some get stuck in the past.   - I don't entirely follow the meaning of this last line in relation to the rest of the stanza.

(too many funerals this year,
too many failures this month) - Following from funerals which conveys tragedy and death, failures seems a little too generic and vague. I feel like there could be a more impactful choice here.

He needs the blender
with the long blades.
I need another pack of cream,   - Is the white girl the cream? I would perhaps choose a colon here.
a white girl who knows how to dance.

I'm looking forward to see where you go with this. This is the type of poem that sticks with me.