First Edit: Late Night Blues

[Writerbyfire]

First Edit:

Late Night Blues

He doesn't know the time, but it's too late;
stinking of lipstick, buttons wrongly done.                                // Not having breath there makes the description too jarring I like the combined line though
His feet move effortlessly                                                           it flows well. If you add it into the combined line you also get a nice 'b' alliteration.
like a tightrope walker who long ago
lost his fear of falling.

He smells his lover on his fingers,
pretends she has the scent of stardust                                   // This is a much clearer description. It almost loses the smack that I mentioned in my last critique. 
and other faraway bodies.                                                        The problem is it breaks the faraway bodies line. The real trouble is the "he pretend to know."
                                                                                             I can't think of a fix myself but as it stands i think I like the pre-edit better. It keeps with the 
He lies down next to his wife,                                                   effect your descriptions have.
eyes closed tight as a casket covered in earth,
fantasizes:                                                                          // i like the line edits and the combined stanza. I think imagines sounds better. It's softer
her skin purple, teeth white,                                                    and fits with the setting. The hard s in fantasizes is harsh and the word almost dirty so it makes
but she still has the aroma of dollar-store soap.                         the relationship more carnal in nature which might be what it is.  
Her true odor distant as dates memorized                              // you need the florescent lights or something to qualify the purple skin otherwise it's too jarring
in high school history class.                                                  // I like dollar store soap better than cheap. it's more descriptive and when I read the next line I'm 
                                                                                            thinking more that he's intentionally replacing her scent with a more nostalgic one rather than
Tired of balancing between loveless and lovely,                          he just doesn't like her soap i can focus on the stanza as a whole more.
he readies for one last audible breath                                    // transition makes it much easier to read, but you now have a transitional problem between stanzas.
from an audience eager to judge                                               Maybe you didn't like the line "he dreams of never waking up" but I didn't mind it. 
such failures.                                                                      // such failures seems impersonal, i like the question of which failures his cheating or the loveless 
                                                                                             marriage but I think it dulls the impact of the previous line which made for a great ending

I may be going a bit overboard for the moderate forum but if it's a bit much it's only because I love the poem. I think you made a few more steps back than forward. My general sense is that maybe the edits are a bit too over thought. The original, while it had some problem points, came across very organic,