First Edit: Late Night Blues

[Writerbyfire]

Late Night Blues

He doesn't know the time, but it's too late.        // Great in its simplicity how it reveal a quirky aspect of character. He doesn't know how late it is but
Breath stinking of lipstick,                                    he knows it's late enough to cause trouble
buttons done wrong and missing,
his feet move gently                                       // gently implies carefully which runs counter the sort of experienced carelessness. there's probably
like a tightrope walker who long lost                    a better word if you want to abandon the audible descriptor (which I don't think I would) maybe
any fear of falling.                                              "trained"

He smells his lover on his fingers,
she has the scent of stardust
and other faraway bodies                                  // I like the enjambment here ironically it punctuates the whole stanza
he pretends to know.

He lies down next to his wife,
eyes tight as a casket covered in earth,              // good imagery, I might even eliminate covered in earth tight as a casket is good on its own
then he imagines

her skin purple, teeth white
as florescent lights that drown him daily.
Her hair reeks of cheap soap,                              // if we're seeing this from his imagination would it described as reeks of cheap soap
her true odor distant as dates they memorized
in their high school history class.

He dreams of never waking up,
tired of balancing between loveless and lovely,   // hhmm is the audience his wife? is he waiting for her to say something
ready for one last audible breath                          the last two lines here really speak to the tenseness he feels if that's what you're going for maybe a 
from an audience ready to judge.                         period after lovely with a transition before ready. Something about the sense of time and perspective
                                                                        could be a bit clearer.

Wow this is really good. You have great imagery here.  You keep using descriptions that make me do a double take. "breath stinking of lipstick," "has the scent of stardust," "skin purple, teeth white" at first it's jarring then immediately it seems like the perfect description. The only thing I'm not sure about is the significance of the stanza lengths but I think that's more on my critical abilies than you.