In The Grave

[Todd]

Hi poetkitten, 

Welcome to the site! I don't often critique rhyming verse, but I did want to give you some feedback. Hopefully, the comments will be helpful to you.

From a content perspective, I'm not sure what's happening in the poem. The title leads with: In the Grave and then a rose comes into view--a rose presumably without the thorns clipped off. I would expect a natural rose to be outside the grave--but to the lines themselves.

In The Grave


A drop of blood,
Scarlet red.
Upon a rose,
It then bled.--okay, the cadence doesn't bother me. This line, however, feels like it's here to accommodate the rhyme. I'm also not a fan of your repeated use of "it" in the poem.

Weeping through silk, 
Of fleece white.--If silk is in the line above, fleece implies wool and feels wrong here. Also, the meter feels wrong on this line.
Blending smoothly,
With all it's might.--its not it's. Also, might feels like the wrong word here. The image doesn't seem to be one of might--again the word seems to be only there for the rhyme.

Turning first pink,
Supple and sweet.--What does this really say?
Then concaving further,
Fathomless red it meets.--Syntax feels off here. Also, I'm not liking the shift into passive voice.

A plummeting descent,
To flounders floors.--lost me here
Where it then rests/sleeps/slumbers, (not sure which one)--of the three probably rests
Forevermore. 

A single petal,
Upon rows of gore.--not a bad phrase for adjacent plots in a cemetery.
Lying impaired,--impaired seems like the wrong word.
Forevermore.--If you're going to repeat forevermore, you probably want it as a refrain on each stanza.

Just some thoughts, I hope they help some.

Best,

Todd