Original Sin

[nibbed]

‘Tis known to one that’s seen an apple fallen from a tree
That he with great intentions, at best brings a fate to be                -meter is wrong here, right away
So learned the gentle John and Jane, accurséd ones of light        -there's an accent mark, meter again
The moment when the apple of their eye escaped their sight        -try tapping your foot while you read through, it helps sometimes

“Jean, my John”, said Jane, with passion pouring from her pores
“Finally, my love, there’ll be a thing that’s mine and yours”
And so was born a girl like Aphrodite from the sea
And with a stroke, a heart, a mind and soul were made to be
A flower that gave color to the canvas of the earth                        -from here down the meter seems fine
Seemed holier than all before, this god-forsaken birth                   
Behind green eyes a vision of a vague and cryptic truth
The sadness of a happy song, the fleeting flight of youth
The emptiness of promises, the falling of the tide
Were painted on the cherub’s face as she naïvely cried


Hi therabbitisme

I'm not sure the title really fits, but I suppose it can be stretched
like the truth over a bowl and pass as a drum. A drum might
help to gently tap as you read through. Rhyme especially needs
more precision in meter. Interesting read, a familiar spirit about it
that may have held some in captivity at one time, but recognized
as ancestral suffering and closed up behind a Blood sealed door.



-nibbed