02-13-2018, 06:13 PM
This is a really good start! I'd love to see how this continues to pan out. I think you've employed some really rich imagery and the sentence flow and structure works really well with your language. I would point out thats the first sentence of the second stanza is a little unclear. It becomes apparent that Jean is the name of the baby but for a first time reader, this feels a little jarring as it seems you're introducing a random person. I'd recommend adding the hint that John and Jane wanted a child. I like the reflective tone of the second stanza and would suggest employing the same tone in the first stanza.
Otherwise this is a fantastic piece
Otherwise this is a fantastic piece