First Edit: Late Night Blues

[ritwiksadhu33]

Hi Richard,
       I really liked reading this. Can't suggest any changes: the following is more of a list of vibes and images I got, along with a few comments. Hope this helps!

Late Night Blues

He doesn't know the time, but it's too late. Wife's gone to sleep by now, probably tired of waiting
Breath stinking of lipstick,
buttons done wrong and missing, Reckless about any clues
his feet move gently
like a tightrope walker who long lost
any fear of falling. Nice imagery to reinforce the same

He smells his lover on his fingers,
she has the scent of stardust
and other faraway bodies
he pretends to know. Embodying an escape from the tedium of daily loveless life. Mysterious, enchanting knowledge that dazzles humans, or perhaps stokes a deep seated urge of discovery. He pretends to know such thigns to be "interesting", presumably. An idea that could be expanded upon, but maybe that's best left for another poem.

He lies down next to his wife,
eyes tight as a casket covered in earth,
then he imagines

her skin purple, teeth white 
as florescent lights that drown him daily. Stuck between duty and longing, between "dead" and alive. But all alive things die, do they not?
Her hair reeks of cheap soap,
her true odor distant as dates they memorized This line gives a really good image of worn out love, while also putting a tentative age to their relationship.
in their high school history class.

He dreams of never waking up,
tired of balancing between loveless and lovely,
ready for one last audible breath
from an audience ready to judge. Somewhat prosaic. Even though there doesn't need to be a punch at this poem's end at all, i feel like it should end with something a little more "new".