First Edit: Late Night Blues

[Rave]

Late Night Blues

He doesn't know the time, but it's too late.
Breath stinking of lipstick,
buttons done wrong and missing,
his feet move gently
like a tightrope walker who long lost
any fear of falling.

He smells his lover on his fingers,
she has the scent of stardust
and other faraway bodies
he pretends to know.

He lies down next to his wife,
eyes tight as a casket covered in earth,
then he imagines

her skin purple, teeth white
as florescent lights that drown him daily.
Her hair reeks of cheap soap,
her true odor distant as dates they memorized
in their high school history class.

He dreams of never waking up,
tired of balancing between loveless and lovely,
ready for one last audible breath
from an audience ready to judge.

I like this but it falls just short of amazing for me. It seems like he has an otherworldly experience in cheating on his wife. "Scent of stardust and other faraway bodies" sound like sweet reminiscence which you juxtapose with suicidal ideations or just a fortuitous death at the end which is a quantum leap I could't make.