For the shore could not - Edit 1

[tectak]

Hi ritw,
I now read your stuff with some anticipation. Your poetry has a whimsical quality that both detracts from solidity yet has wonderful texture. Of the two "characteristics" of your style I think you need to try to improve the former without diminishing the latter. It can be done...it is mostly a question of grammar and form....I hate that word...but its use in this crit is germane. There are some simple comments in the text which are of small change individually but which add up to dollar...

For the shore could not - edit 1

We stepped into stolen lives,
our mistakes forgotten     OK...this is where it starts....you painted an intriguing opener then smeared its intent in to a completely unrelated image. The "like" which follows, without punctuation, is no definition of "like" that I have ever come across. It is not even of the "Time flies like an arrow...fruit flies like a banana" variety. Two things, then. Period after "....forgotten" to cement the opener in place and then accept that the next image train  needs a "link" not a "like".
Like the sleepyhead in the back seat:A suggestion, and that is ALL it is.
 
We stepped in to stolen lives,
our mistakes forgotten.
In the back seat, sleepy-head dreams.
Seeping in,
through soft ear-buds, 
are  identities less consequential.
Curious,
tailless memories
dotting a landscape of tedium.  

                 Apologies for any translational inaccuracies but now it makes sense to me.  Keeping it your way the dreams are one thing  OR  memories the other(??). You could leave it almost as is, if I have it wrong, and change "or" to "of". Your poem, putting it mildly
 
dreams 
seeping in 
through the earphones -
or identities less consequential:
Curious,
tailless memories
dotting a landscape of tedium.

The day was no more a prison
Than the night  Inconsistent capitalisation of line starts is probably a typo...but you could put it right....or you could leave it to others  to point out. I know which I would prefer. Comma OR semicolon on this line end, then....
The dark as comforting a sanctuary no capital on "the"
as the crowd    Period. Gotta be...
We brought wood to the fire
for warmth and smell."for" is a weak word leading in to a weak reasoning. Not a great word, ever....BUT I can see your thinking and it is good. 
We brought stillness to the river
for the shore could not.If you could, you should try to get more drama out of this ending. It makes a fine sounding conclusion as it is but the two balancing statements...er...don't. We brought wood to the fire (because we could?) and we brought stillness to the river (because the shore could not?)

Overall, and remembering that this is in Mild, I would not have any more to add if this piece was in intensive. Well done,
Best,
 tectak




For the shore could not

We stepped into the stolen lives
Our mistakes forgotten
A clean slate
The somnolent youth in the back seat
Of the bus
In a land of dreams 
seeping in 
through the earphones
Or identities less consequential than his:
Curious
Tailless memories
Dotting a landscape of tedium

The day was no more a prison
Than the night
The dark no worse a sanctuary than the crowd
We brought wood to the fire
For warmth and smell
We brought stillness to the river
For the shore could not.