As alive as it needs to be - Edit 1

[tectak]

Hi tectak,
               The basic theme of the poem is somebody exploring his own mind. Sadly, as happens often happens when I tackle ideas that are too complicated, it is a potpourri of styles that don't really go together. I'll try to edit it in keeping with suggestions made by yimbus and you, but it might be hard to make it better given the structure: I'll probably have to write afresh on this idea sometime later. Thanks for reading and commenting!

Good egg...but I don't believe you lf true, however, yimbus will be of great help.
Best,

tectak