01-31-2018, 04:27 AM
Hi moot,
Truisms are basically sayings: Like the first 3 sentences in that paragraph. They are not uncommonly used in classical poetry: however, stuffing 3 of them together does seem a bit too much. Besides, as nibbed said, you allegorically say the same thing in the next paragraph, so it seems like you are explaining yourself, which is always a bad move.
In metred (rhymed) verse it does matter, or at least it feels off when I read it out in my mind. Varying syllables are allowed in many different rhyme schemes - you could try some of them out. The site has several resources from what I saw (I'm new here as well). Exceptions are free verse poems that sparingly use rhyme in places for emphasis or effect: this is definitely not one of them.
Paper dolls/puppets/dolls in general are an often used metaphor for humans helpless in the hands of fate/time/destiny. However, with the age of humankind, most topics that you can think of have been written about - it's just that you have to add enough new and interesting observations/images to make it work - I felt that this poem could use a few more.
I couldn't quite go that far - despite some rhyming issues the 1st, 3rd and last paragraph read nice enough. However, it is sometimes necessary to distance yourself from the "cuteness" of words and phrases, and try to think whether the poem as whole tells something a reader has not already heard - something that you personally add to it. This was/is a common issue with some of my writings, although I tend to veer at the opposite end, writing random stuff that makes no sense at all to anybody other than me.
As a side note, I mixed up the forums while critting this, something that you might or might not have picked up.
Sorry about that.
Quote:With truisms in poetry...what do you mean by adding something new after one? Are you referring to a line with a truism and than possibly adding or including something like a simile along with it it?
Truisms are basically sayings: Like the first 3 sentences in that paragraph. They are not uncommonly used in classical poetry: however, stuffing 3 of them together does seem a bit too much. Besides, as nibbed said, you allegorically say the same thing in the next paragraph, so it seems like you are explaining yourself, which is always a bad move.
Quote:I noticed that you refer to syllable count when reviewing poetry. Is it important to attempt to have a similar number of syllables in poetry to make a work flow better?
In metred (rhymed) verse it does matter, or at least it feels off when I read it out in my mind. Varying syllables are allowed in many different rhyme schemes - you could try some of them out. The site has several resources from what I saw (I'm new here as well). Exceptions are free verse poems that sparingly use rhyme in places for emphasis or effect: this is definitely not one of them.
Quote:I did not know this topic was cliche
Paper dolls/puppets/dolls in general are an often used metaphor for humans helpless in the hands of fate/time/destiny. However, with the age of humankind, most topics that you can think of have been written about - it's just that you have to add enough new and interesting observations/images to make it work - I felt that this poem could use a few more.
Quote:I hate it when I can't see the poetic forest for the trees. I did not realize I had painted myself into a cliched corner when writing about puppets.
I couldn't quite go that far - despite some rhyming issues the 1st, 3rd and last paragraph read nice enough. However, it is sometimes necessary to distance yourself from the "cuteness" of words and phrases, and try to think whether the poem as whole tells something a reader has not already heard - something that you personally add to it. This was/is a common issue with some of my writings, although I tend to veer at the opposite end, writing random stuff that makes no sense at all to anybody other than me.
As a side note, I mixed up the forums while critting this, something that you might or might not have picked up.
Sorry about that.