Verdunt

[yimbus]

I’ve read it many times and am consistently pleased with its simpleness. It really hits home and the tone is great. I expected blackberries to not work well, but I think that is one of my favorite parts. It doesn’t seem to be an awkward rhyme to me when I read it and the imagery of that is much better than pineapples. It aids the darkness and somberness and imo emphasizes the “torn apart” line as blackberries are thorny bushes. Honestly, I can’t find something I’d like to edit in the newer version