01-28-2018, 12:32 PM
Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting. He schemed, dangled money and men to back the troops. Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. Oroestes slew him ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ and hung his body outside the temple on a crucifix.
brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance
Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Islanders now won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.
Hi mercedes. I was getting thought tied on all the names. I put brackets around what I thought could be eliminated without weakening integrity. Also, I'd nudge together the things that are similar in size, importance, or use: roads, embankments, pillars, etc.
best wishes
-nibbed
*additional note (edit of critique): the title you choose might help wrap it all up, at least boost the text/history.
[Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting.] Oroestes [He] schemed, dangled money and men to back the (what/whose troops?) troops. [Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes] He displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. He was slain[Oroestes slew him] ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ [and hung] his body hung outside the temple on a crucifix.
brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance
Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Today's Islanders [now] won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.
brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance
Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Islanders now won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.
Hi mercedes. I was getting thought tied on all the names. I put brackets around what I thought could be eliminated without weakening integrity. Also, I'd nudge together the things that are similar in size, importance, or use: roads, embankments, pillars, etc.
best wishes
-nibbed
*additional note (edit of critique): the title you choose might help wrap it all up, at least boost the text/history.
[Oroestes reviled Polycartes the Consul without ever meeting him, or reflecting.] Oroestes [He] schemed, dangled money and men to back the (what/whose troops?) troops. [Polycrates sent his secretary Maendrius from Samos to check out his credentials. Oroetes] He displayed eight large timber chests filled with stones, topped by a layer of gold. Polycrate’s daughter saw her father in a vision, hanging up, anointed by the sun. ‘Don’t go’ she warned. He was slain[Oroestes slew him] ‘in a mode not fit to utter’ [and hung] his body hung outside the temple on a crucifix.
brimming cups spill
empty cups fill -
reach for balance
Relics of a vanished race: ruins of embankments, terraces, roads pathed with stone, crumbling platforms, tombs, high-gabled lodges, pillars, stone fish-weirs, still fill the island. Today's Islanders [now] won’t touch the stones, or grow their food nearby.
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