Edit 5: Homecoming

[Knot]

 I'd love to hear your reasoning for structuring it this way though.

Hi Alex,
My 'reasoning', such as it is is that for me it felt like you said
whatyou wanted to in three lines, then let the thought run on
and added a fourth line which you then never really explored.
Nothing wrong with the lines themselves,
but I didn't think they added much to what came before
and they don't go on anywhere.
Take the fourth line in S1
'that Abuelito picked, peeled, bit and gave to me'.
This doesn't really add too much to the opening scene,
but my 'problem' is that you don't tell the reader anything else.
Not how you felt/feel about the mangoes or your grandfather.
Maybe you loved them, or can't stand the taste of them or...?
Did he do this for other children, or was it only you, or...?
(Also, 'peeled, bit' make it a very clunky line).
Hope this makes sense.

Two further thoughts.

Horse hooves squelch through mud, where
'squelch' is rather ugly, I think,
could you not invent your own word like
'slap-suck', for instance?

His and older relatives' laughter lines
do you need 'his and older', age is implied
by 'laughter lines'.


Best, Knot.