IISZ 2018 Challenge #4 - Word Dog Run

[nibbed]

He's buried in veteran's park
from diabetes and the drink. Ya know
he hammered and nailed the eaves, wired -- really like this hammer/nail image coming right after mention of burial. Makes it seem like it's a coffin reference that's being conjured and then subverted by moving into memory of things constructed. This whole stanza is nice.
the old church when it was new,
when our grandmothers painted murals
of Noah on Sunday School walls
before their Amazing Grace bells
were traded for a mineret and the muezzin call


found framed in grey spider garland
and hollow cotton candy balls. -- beautiful images


Yes, I see them, Carl's bronze shoulders,
Jesse's red-round face,
his suspenders with a belt, just in case. -- I'm thinking that the belt was for corporal punishment, but I can't say for certain. Makes a strong ending for me, building on the foreboding from the broken down jungle gym, the spider webs, the grave.

Enjoyed the read


Hi, Lizzie-
No, just to keep his britches from fallin'.
He was all tummy and no butt,
not a mean bone in his body that I ever saw, nor in Carl's.
Thank you for your kind comments to my poem!

-nibbed

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some words turn emptier
with repetition. -- like the repetition of repetition

but what i need´s a little why
and a tiny dose of how - so hard to use;
i don´t need whens and wheres. Yessssss.

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Squall

Well, if it isn't a villanelle.  
Solid choices for the repeated lines.