Fences Against - Edit2

[Lizzie]

Hey, Duke. I've been watching this one, and I think the revision is moving in the right direction. It does surprise me to see you talking about Darwin given your Protestant leanings.

Fences Against


Swimming pools
must have fences—
high, unclimbable -- I think that unclimbable and high are saying the same thing
and eye-defeating— -- like this
not to shield from envy -- I think you need one more 'it's not this' item after this line -- you need a neither nor, and then you can move on to the 'this is what it is'
but from children’s greed
for new territory -- maybe another image, metaphor in here to bring the message home sensorily (which became a word just now)
and Darwinian
self-extinction.

Swimming pools
must have fences—
high, unclimbable
and eye-defeating—
not to shield from envy
of a passer-by,
but from children’s greed
for new territory
and Darwinian
self-extinction.