01-21-2018, 07:03 AM
Thanks to all the critics. In response, all I've done is cut the former L6 as balance of the commenters suggested; same with retaining extinction, and "fences" at the end of L2 rather than elsewhere, for emphasis. Has the benefit of placing "envy" and "greed" near each other, too.
edit1;
Swimming pools
must have fences—
high, unclimbable
and eye-defeating—
not to shield from envy
but from children’s greed
for new territory
and Darwinian
self-extinction.
Too many words:
edit1;
Swimming pools
must have fences—
high, unclimbable
and eye-defeating—
not to shield from envy
but from children’s greed
for new territory
and Darwinian
self-extinction.
Too many words:
Non-practicing atheist

