01-12-2018, 12:02 AM
Hi Kaily, a few things:
1) It's usually a good idea to place your edits in the original post, marked as a new revision. Many people will not read the thread before they comment on the poem so that they're not influenced by the discussion and can come to the poem fresh. That means that you'll get comments on earlier versions.
2) For critique to work well, I would encourage you to resist the urge to explain your poems--at least not at first. If you do, others may then read the explanation into the poem and you won't know if the poem succeeded in conveying what you wanted.
3) Regarding your comments on why you used Once upon a time, or on repetition--I for one assumed you had reasons for what you wrote. The question critique asks: is the execution effective? Confining my comments to the repetition, I would simply ask that you consider fictional dialogue. Dialogue does not mimic how people speak. There are halting pauses, stutters, rambling tangents that never make their way into stories. Dialogue is stylized reality. In a similar way, so is poetry. Just because a child might speak a certain way doesn't make it an effective choice (my opinion of course). Which brings me to my final caution.
4) You can disagree with critique and move on. But if everyone is seeing the same thing (hasn't happened yet in this poem, I mean this more generally), you should consider if there's something to that. However, there are certain poems where you will say to yourself: I see what they're saying but I'm going to go this way anyway--also fine.
Not meaning to be too pedantic.
Best,
Todd
1) It's usually a good idea to place your edits in the original post, marked as a new revision. Many people will not read the thread before they comment on the poem so that they're not influenced by the discussion and can come to the poem fresh. That means that you'll get comments on earlier versions.
2) For critique to work well, I would encourage you to resist the urge to explain your poems--at least not at first. If you do, others may then read the explanation into the poem and you won't know if the poem succeeded in conveying what you wanted.
3) Regarding your comments on why you used Once upon a time, or on repetition--I for one assumed you had reasons for what you wrote. The question critique asks: is the execution effective? Confining my comments to the repetition, I would simply ask that you consider fictional dialogue. Dialogue does not mimic how people speak. There are halting pauses, stutters, rambling tangents that never make their way into stories. Dialogue is stylized reality. In a similar way, so is poetry. Just because a child might speak a certain way doesn't make it an effective choice (my opinion of course). Which brings me to my final caution.
4) You can disagree with critique and move on. But if everyone is seeing the same thing (hasn't happened yet in this poem, I mean this more generally), you should consider if there's something to that. However, there are certain poems where you will say to yourself: I see what they're saying but I'm going to go this way anyway--also fine.
Not meaning to be too pedantic.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson