01-04-2018, 03:19 AM
Hi, ADUnser
Welcome here to this place. It is the first time I've read your poetry, but I am mighty forgetful, so I apologize if I am wrong for that. I liked what your poem was saying about writer's block. I felt it rhyme and starting to find meter in some places. I don't know if this works for you, but I used to take my hands and clap out the words to help me find proper counts of syllables/stressers in words. The title might be true (or not). I think I would like the title to be Red Ink on Blue Paper or green paper, or yellow paper, or some color, but I don't know why. Maybe not even a color, maybe a pad of paper or a roll of paper or a stack of paper or an empty paper? But it is your poem and not my own...sorry my critique is so long. It's hard to be basic when it's a poem of fine potential.
Red Ink
Can't come up with the words that I want,
every ounce of creativity has left my head.
Among all the stress and anger,
I begin to write [only]
in red.
I don't feel it anymore, I guess I lost my touch.
The feelings are there but I don't know what to say.
Do I keep trying or just give up?
I doubt I'd be able to show it to you anyway.
When I put my pen to the paper,
I get nothing but a blank stare. [,]
There's no more vision in my eyes or mind,
only [just] hate [residing/wrestling/created,etc] there.
For so long I've been lost in my disbelief.
Even in a friendly face I could only see hate,
but now I understand I was my own fall. [,]
I only wonder if it's too late.
I'm tired of looking around and seeing I'm alone,
but it'll never change [,] with so much anger in my head.
Honestly I don't know what to do,
and until it's resolved I fear I can [so I]only write in red.
Reading it like this gives better meter.
It'll be okay, ya know. Anger turned into tears
and pity often help me get through the rough
spots in life.
please be blessed today
-nibbed
Welcome here to this place. It is the first time I've read your poetry, but I am mighty forgetful, so I apologize if I am wrong for that. I liked what your poem was saying about writer's block. I felt it rhyme and starting to find meter in some places. I don't know if this works for you, but I used to take my hands and clap out the words to help me find proper counts of syllables/stressers in words. The title might be true (or not). I think I would like the title to be Red Ink on Blue Paper or green paper, or yellow paper, or some color, but I don't know why. Maybe not even a color, maybe a pad of paper or a roll of paper or a stack of paper or an empty paper? But it is your poem and not my own...sorry my critique is so long. It's hard to be basic when it's a poem of fine potential.
Red Ink
Can't come up with the words that I want,
every ounce of creativity has left my head.
Among all the stress and anger,
I begin to write [only]
in red.
I don't feel it anymore, I guess I lost my touch.
The feelings are there but I don't know what to say.
Do I keep trying or just give up?
I doubt I'd be able to show it to you anyway.
When I put my pen to the paper,
I get nothing but a blank stare. [,]
There's no more vision in my eyes or mind,
only [just] hate [residing/wrestling/created,etc] there.
For so long I've been lost in my disbelief.
Even in a friendly face I could only see hate,
but now I understand I was my own fall. [,]
I only wonder if it's too late.
I'm tired of looking around and seeing I'm alone,
but it'll never change [,] with so much anger in my head.
Honestly I don't know what to do,
and until it's resolved I fear I can [so I]only write in red.
Reading it like this gives better meter.
It'll be okay, ya know. Anger turned into tears
and pity often help me get through the rough
spots in life.
please be blessed today
-nibbed
there's always a better reason to love