Red Ink (Revision)

[Richard]

Hey ADUnser,
Welcome to the site

My biggest suggestion would be to reevaluate your rhyme scheme. For the most part, the rhyming is inconsistent, and I would recommend rewriting the poem without any rhyming. This might allow you focus more on saying what you want to express because there are times where the rhymes feel like they're intruding on the poem's meaning.  I'll go into a little more detail below:

Hey guys, this is my first attempt at writing poetry and just looking for some feedback.

Red Ink -I like this title. I wonder if you could play around with this image more? For example, it seems like the red ink here implies anger, but it could also relate to editing/correcting one's work. May be you could play around with that double meaning. Just a thought.

Can't come up with the words I wanted, -Why "wanted" instead of "want"? The answer is because you wanted to rhyme. I would be curious to see what you would end up with if you edit the rhyming out of this piece.

My creativity is stunted.

Full of stress and anger, got my mental behavior in danger,

Yell a curse at the savior.

Now I'm writing in red, hurting in my head.

Just don't know what I want said.

I don't feel it, think I lost my touch.

'Bout ready to bust.

Guess I lost trust in my own mind,

Wish there was a rewind.

Back to the days when imagination was a gold mine.

What is the problem?

When I put my pen to paper,

just get a blank stare.

No vision in my eyes or mind,

only hate there.

Through and through, creativity fallen to fury.

I'm starting to worry,

Thoughts are a flurry.

Need to find a way to keep myself sturdy.

For so long I've been lost in my disbelief.

Everyone I meet, creatin' imaginary beef.

Of course I always knew I was my own fall,

Even when I was a kid playing b-ball.

Couldn't make a friend from a teammate,

Cause I decided I would hate.

And I often ask myself if it's too late,

look around and I'm alone.

Hangin' at home with no ringin' on my phone.

So I decided to drop the act,

With myself I'm gonna make a pact.

Start living in love instead of anger,

And say goodbye to the bitterness inside my head,

So maybe I can stop writing in red.

I hope I was helpful here, and I look forward to seeing where you go from here with this piece.

Keep writing,
Richard