Pleading With an Ibid's Hem (formerly The Golden Bullet), edit 1

[Richard]

Hey Lizzie,
I've been meaning to critique this one for a bit. However, things kept distracting me. I like the imagery in this poem. I'll go into more detail below:

Pleading With an Ibid's Hem

The dream began as they often do: -I know a few others said to drop the dream aspect of the poem. I wonder what would happen if you ended on it? Just a thought.
familiar dread, unfamiliar place—
children with the names I gave them,
ages flouting linear time. -The phrase "linear time" seems redundant to me. I would suggest dropping the word "linear".

Men stood in rows like solemn corn— -I like this simile. As pointed out by others, the implications of this line are thought provoking.
a marching band missing a routine and music— -I found this image strange, but it works because of the dream aspect of the poem.
with Paul Ryan's slicked black All-American hair,
matching navy blue fitted suits,
and placid eyes that followed -I could be missing something, but why are their eyes "placid"? To me, the images of the corn and music-less marching band seem to communicate feelings of anxiety and menace, so I don't get the "placid" here. If they're accepting their fates, why not describe their eyes as "dead"?
the golden bullet gleaming overhead.

Their eyes were drawn in time
along its line through the sky, -I know it's been pointed out about the repeating of "eyes" in the previous line and the previous stanza. Why not omit the first line of this stanza and start this line with "They watched" instead of "along"?
tuning to the mastery of a new conductor,
mouths slung open the way they slack
when the mind abandons consciousness. -I like that you went back to the marching band image here. The way you describe it here also adds to the menacing feeling in this poem.

There was no warning but mine, -Who is the "mine" here? I feel like the speaker becoming directly involve so late in the poem a bit jarring.
or sign from Yahweh—
no rainbow or prepared ark. -I feel like this stanza came out of no where. Why does it get so religious? If that is the direction you wanted to go in, I would recommend setting it up in a previous stanza.

They never looked down or to the side,
so they didn't see us wash away. -I like this ending. Personally, I feel like this would work just as well if you removed the previous stanza. Then the "wash away" could refer to a biblical flood, or something else, but it would be up to the reader to decide on the meaning.

The dream began as they always do:
familiar dread, unfamiliar place—
children with the names I gave them
and ages that make no sense in logical time.

Men stood in rows like solemn corn,
like a marching band with no routine and no music,
only Paul Ryan's slicked black All-American hair,
navy blue fitted suits, and placid eyes that followed

the bullet gleaming golden overhead,
the way that kittens fix on a wiggling string.
Their faces showed no fear,
no judgment, no signals of thought,
just a silent ------wow------
and mouths slung open the way they slack
when the mind abandons consciousness.

There was no covenant,
or sign from Yahweh—
no prepared ark.

They never looked down or to the side,
so they didn't see us wash away.

Overall, I like what you're doing here, and I look forward to seeing your next draft.

Cheers,
Richard