Pleading With an Ibid's Hem (formerly The Golden Bullet), edit 1

[Todd]

Hi Lizzie,

Here are some comments for you.

Pleading With an Ibid's Hem

The dream began as they often do:
familiar dread, unfamiliar place—--This opening is slightly flat. If the speaker is going to be a sort of modern Casandra then starting at something more meaningful would help. I'm not a real fan of familiar/unfamiliar only because it's predictable. 
children with the names I gave them,
ages flouting linear time.

Men stood in rows like solemn corn—--I would probably start here. This is an interesting, vibrant image. It even has a hint of danger (waiting to be reaped). I could be missing something in the sequencing but I think the children could be reinserted later.
a marching band missing a routine and music—
with Paul Ryan's slicked black All-American hair,
matching navy blue fitted suits,
and placid eyes that followed--really like the break on followed. I think the Paul Ryan comparison lines are done well. 
the golden bullet gleaming overhead.--slightly reminds me of the Kennedy assassination--though I'm taking this more as a portent of coming wrath and judgment.

Their eyes were drawn in time--don't really like the repetition of eyes or time here. (something simpler and less repetitious. Maybe, "they tracked its line...sky")
along its line through the sky,
tuning to the mastery of a new conductor,--I keep wanting to replace tuning with "and tuned"
mouths slung open the way they slack
when the mind abandons consciousness.--condense these two lines perhaps.

There was no warning but mine,--Here is Casandra
or sign from Yahweh—
no rainbow or prepared ark.--Sequence the ark should precede the rainbow

They never looked down or to the side,--This is probably meant to also explain a rigid mindset.
so they didn't see us wash away.--It's interesting (though not surprising with the political reference) that the judgment falls on the "us" not the "them". It's a good literary allusion to Noah--which in itself is a nod to end times statements.

I hope the comments will be helpful.

Best,

Todd