Final Edit: Springblade

[nibbed]

Springblade                                                                         I wondered if this was a place

I. Lollygagging                                                                     I like this word
We spun like soil and sky,  
as one within a gyre; 
clouds smeared smut  
across our supple skin 
as we tumbled, giggling, 
down sides of grassy hills  
no longer there.                                                                    beautiful stanza
 
Millenia has cleaved us                                                           beautiful reference to an all-so-common word
into strangers, in the breeding 
of everything, when bushes 
sang with nightingales and 
the air of meadows teemed 
with wafting yellow orbs 
and little furry bumblebees;                                                   
 
there were once a couple hives,  
singing birds, and fewer men.                                                 wonderful metaphor

II. Ferris Wheel                                                                        my favorite ride
From up here, 
the tops of carousels look like 
glowing starlight peppermints.                                                  great scene/observation in child-like joy
 
In the biting wind, I scrunch my nose 
and it's reminded of its friendship  
with the face, seconds later                                                      this is a incomplete,
as numb nerves settle.                                                             maybe remove "as"?
 
Warm clouds breathed pass 
hard dead skin of chapped lips                                                  i read a "the" in this line
carry awkward silence and forget 
the banter of our youth, 
 
but like my frozen nose, 
your wrapping arms assured me of 
the familiarity of where we are.                                                    



I'm unsure of the title. The poem made me think of Edgewater, a simpler Amusement Park of my youth. Thank you for writing something that makes me see warmth and sunshine. There's no rejection or judgement in this poem. It is a situational matter-of-factly poem. Kind and Friendly, a thoughtful reminder, even. I see it ending more joyful, though. With smiles and laughter.


nibbed