If I don't then no one else will
#10
(11-24-2017, 04:12 AM)Keith Wrote:  Absorbed by sharp morning rain,
stood layered on a rug's clear stain,
silent shops pipe dead refrains,
I elevate and screech my name.
I like how you’ve rhymed every line, although “name” doesn’t quite fit in.
Perhaps “Jane”” (a specific name) instead of “my name”?
I don’t know if that helped.

I don’t understand the title either
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Messages In This Thread
If I don't then no one else will - by Keith - 11-24-2017, 04:12 AM
RE: If I don't then no one else will - by Richard - 11-24-2017, 12:10 PM
RE: If I don't then no one else will - by Keith - 11-29-2017, 04:01 AM
RE: If I don't then no one else will - by nibbed - 11-29-2017, 07:03 AM
RE: If I don't then no one else will - by Keith - 11-29-2017, 09:48 AM
RE: If I don't then no one else will - by Keith - 12-05-2017, 06:18 AM
RE: If I don't then no one else will - by busker - 12-10-2017, 07:48 PM
RE: If I don't then no one else will - by Keith - 12-10-2017, 09:41 PM
RE: If I don't then no one else will - by Leanne - 12-11-2017, 04:33 AM
RE: If I don't then no one else will - by Keith - 12-11-2017, 10:18 PM



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