As it Bursts

[alonso ramoran]

Hi Wjames, this is a real nice one you got here. Comments below.

Sockets forked with broiled eyes Not sure how sockets can be "forked" esp. with broiled eyes
clamped hard, tears and phlegm dripping I like the tears and phlegm.
from my cheeks, mixing with the bubbles
steaming green on the tubs surface,
lit soft by cinnamon candles I'd go with "softly lit" here to smoothly continue the s's alliteration. I'm loving this whole stanza though.
and window moon.

I focus on each breath,
the lung tar and cinnamon hacking
up the heartburn dissolving my innards Maybe something along the lines of incinerating instead of dissolving?
and crisping my throat, emptying myself
with napalm. 

Problems with this poem, for me, were few and far between. A lot of interesting imagery. 

Best, Alex