Learned behavior
#4
(12-05-2017, 09:39 PM)Keith Wrote:  She stood in front of the pram
repeatedly smacking
into an unseen cry.
Greasy hair and dirty clothes
her body moved in a way
that hinted at issues
and sheltered housing.

No eye contact or opinion,
he was somewhere else
shrinking into the shopping center,
watching the automatic doors
in crisis.

I caught her hand
holding on at the wrist,
she came back from behind her eyes,
a sail boat emerging from a storm.

Its nappy was full
clothes covered in sick,
how could I explain what a child needs
to a mother that needed the same?

"automatic doors in crisis".. in a strange way the (mal-?)functioning door seems to accompany the mindless behaviour of the mother.

was not sure if this "he" in the second stanza is her mate or describing other people ignoring the scene.

i love the line "she came back from behind her eyes".
the following line seems almost too distracting after that

when i read "its nappy" i first thought how can it be the sail boat´s.. how about writing  "the nappy"?

i think the question in the last two lines   came very suddenly and seems almost too pensive for the situation..  i wondered if those are really the first thoughts that come right after catching that wrist (on second thought and reading your title: "pass it on" is an understandable first thought)
...
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Messages In This Thread
Learned behavior - by Keith - 12-05-2017, 09:39 PM
RE: Pass it on - by Mopkins - 12-05-2017, 11:20 PM
RE: Pass it on - by Keith - 12-06-2017, 03:00 AM
RE: Pass it on - by vagabond - 12-06-2017, 03:38 AM
RE: Pass it on - by alonso ramoran - 12-06-2017, 06:28 AM
RE: Pass it on - by Wjames - 12-06-2017, 12:33 PM
RE: Pass it on - by nibbed - 12-06-2017, 01:14 PM
RE: Learned behavior - by Knot - 12-08-2017, 12:23 AM
RE: Learned behavior - by vagabond - 12-08-2017, 05:36 AM
RE: Learned behavior - by Leanne - 12-08-2017, 05:51 AM
RE: Learned behavior - by flagthrower - 12-08-2017, 08:47 AM
RE: Learned behavior - by KYPunk - 12-08-2017, 02:59 PM
RE: Learned behavior - by Keith - 12-09-2017, 04:47 AM
RE: Learned behavior - by Radetof.Yahska - 12-23-2017, 07:38 AM



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