If I don't then no one else will

[RiverNotch]

Absorbed by sharp morning rain 
stood layered on a rug's clear stain,
silent shops pipe dead refrains
I elevate and screech my name. 

Image-wise, beautiful, but syntax-wise, a little messy:
Absorbed by sharp morning rain stood layered on a rug's clear stain (the rain stands on a rug?), silent shops pipe dead refrains I elevate and screech my name. (how does screeching one's name relate to elevating dead refrains? or is there supposed to be a comma between "refrains" and "I elevate", in which case what the heck does "I elevate" mean?)
It's really distracting, and I can't tell whether that's the point or not. Perhaps:
Absorbed by sharp morning rain
and stood layered on a rug's clear stain,
silent shops pipe dead refrains
I elevate -- then screech my name.
Though of course I'm not sure if those silent shops are really the subject of the first two lines or not.