11-27-2017, 10:45 PM
Hi Richard,
tone and scene fit well,
just the right level of emotion.
a light left on for someone
who'll never arrive
not sure you need 'for someone'
and L2 takes all the mystery out of the piece.
windows frosted
door about to close
as has already been mention by Todd
the door should be closed for the wind to knock.
Perhaps,
the door closed, but not latched/locked/bolted
only the wind knocks
darkness watches
snow silent as loneliness
[falls]
If you're reconsidering the title as Achebe suggests
(and I agree that that would be a good idea)
perhaps - 'i blame myself' ?
Best, Knot.
tone and scene fit well,
just the right level of emotion.
a light left on for someone
who'll never arrive
not sure you need 'for someone'
and L2 takes all the mystery out of the piece.
windows frosted
door about to close
as has already been mention by Todd
the door should be closed for the wind to knock.
Perhaps,
the door closed, but not latched/locked/bolted
only the wind knocks
darkness watches
snow silent as loneliness
[falls]
If you're reconsidering the title as Achebe suggests
(and I agree that that would be a good idea)
perhaps - 'i blame myself' ?
Best, Knot.