11-23-2017, 09:56 PM
This reads a little rough. I would ditch all of the single line stanzas. They are all a bit too showy, they tell me what the poem means but they don't show it. When i read "the life sacrificed, mine" it makes me vomit in a "oh please" kind of way.
The second major stanza is superior to the first. I would suggest chrystalizng the images in the first, and taking them to their worst-case examples so the contrast between the first and second stanza is more pronounced.
A tale of two choices is interesting as a title, but you havnt made any real allusion to transformation in the poem so it's difficult to say it is alluding to "A Tale Of Two Cities" in any way but in the title.
I might would also stick with the animal imagery throughout the poem, but perhaps not start with dog as they don't necessarily have a strong negative connotation, but depending on your wording you could make it work.
The second major stanza is superior to the first. I would suggest chrystalizng the images in the first, and taking them to their worst-case examples so the contrast between the first and second stanza is more pronounced.
A tale of two choices is interesting as a title, but you havnt made any real allusion to transformation in the poem so it's difficult to say it is alluding to "A Tale Of Two Cities" in any way but in the title.
I might would also stick with the animal imagery throughout the poem, but perhaps not start with dog as they don't necessarily have a strong negative connotation, but depending on your wording you could make it work.