Bellerophon 0.1

[Richard]

Hey RiverNotch,
I like what you were going for here. I do have some thoughts though:

Bellerophon


We are a sort of vanished generation, -I liked this opening line. Personally, I think it describes contemporary society well.
even if there's no trauma yet to grab
at our collective consciousness -- the half -I would suggest ending this stanza at "consciousness". In my opinion, the first three lines work well enough as a stanza.
of us that can still act,

they fail to see the visions -If you do what I suggested in the previous stanza, you could change the "they" to "we".
crippling our poets and our painters: -I would suggest dropping this line.
a world at war, a world aflame,
a world returned to tyrants' hands, -I wonder if these two lines would be more effective if you referenced a specific war or tyrant? Just a thought.

and other such abstractions. Or perhaps
they see, yet feel they're free -I'm a bit confused here. Is the "they" part of the "we", or the poets and painters?
as long as future's future -- for we lack
a proper cause, a righteous dogma -Again, why not give an example of a "proper cause" or something you consider a "righteous dogma"?

to hold us absolutely, the modern
butchered by our mothers and our fathers -I quite like this image with the mothers and fathers. It sums up well one of the problems with the concept of being "modern".
into a Chimera we'll mock to fight,
a Pegasus we'll soon lose. -I like the image of losing Pegasus. I just wonder if you could expand upon it.

I think you have a decent start here, and I look forward to seeing where you take this from here.

Cheers,
Richard