11-19-2017, 12:47 PM
Thanks to all the critics. It's apparent that while the message gets through, rhyme and meter are badly in the way.
@Richard may have the best idea: rewrite as a short essay, boil the essay down to free verse and see if that suggests a more poetic treatment (blank verse or rhymed), or stands best on its own. As Samuel Goldwyn put it, "If you want to send a message, call Western Union." He meant, ditch the message in favor of art and entertainment - in the present case, just be telegraphic!
will return stop may chg title
@Richard may have the best idea: rewrite as a short essay, boil the essay down to free verse and see if that suggests a more poetic treatment (blank verse or rhymed), or stands best on its own. As Samuel Goldwyn put it, "If you want to send a message, call Western Union." He meant, ditch the message in favor of art and entertainment - in the present case, just be telegraphic!
will return stop may chg title
Non-practicing atheist