Final Edit: Argil

[Richard]

Hey alexorande,
You have a strong piece here. The many edits show in a good way. I'll go into more detail below:

Argil

Memories, damp and gray,
is plastic in our fingers, shaping -I like the enjambment here because "shaping" is an important word for the meaning of this poem.
light and color; sounds are fixed 
with slip or carved away, or -I love the whole memory metaphor here. I especially like how it shows how we can control what we do with our memories.
an abstract artist sculpts for us. -I like this last line. I just wonder if "abstract" is the right word. May be it could be "another artist" who sculpts for us? Just a thought.

Edit 5: Argil 
 
Memories turned damp and gray 
and plastic in our fingers shaping 
light and color; sounds are fixed 
with slip or carved away, all
when an abstract artist  
is not sculpting for us. 


Edit 4: Argil

Some-time-ago turned gray
and wet within our fingers shaping 
light and color; sounds are glued  
with slip or carved away, all  
when an abstract sculptor  
is not sculpting for us. 


Edit 3: Plasticity

Moments become damp and gray  
between fingers that begin to mold 
light and color; sounds are carved  
away or attached with slip 
when the shady sculptor  
isn't sculpting for me. 


Edit 2: Plasticity

A moment becomes damp and gray  
between my fingers, they begin 
to mold light and color; sounds  
are carved away or attached with slip, 
when a shady sculptor  
isn't sculpting for me. 


Edit 1: Plasticity 
 
A moment becomes damp and gray  
between my fingers. My hands begin 
to mold colors, and sounds are carved
or scored into and attached with slip
if it all fits a metaphor, or
a shady sculptor sculpts for me.


Original: Plasticity

A moment becomes damp and gray  
between my fingers. My hands begin 
to mold a bench's color, and words 
are sometimes carved or added if 
it all fits a metaphor, or a shady sculptor 
sculpts for me. 

Considered titles were: Plasticity, Clay, Greenware, How Gravity Warps Clay (which I feel just makes the piece more complicated than it needs to be)

I think you're pretty close to done with this one. I look forward to seeing what you decide next.

Cheers,
Richard