11-19-2017, 05:04 AM
Hey Knot
'Memories, damp and grey, turned...' - might better maintain the metaphor) This would flow into the next line that starts with plastic. This would be saying that the clay that's damp and gray was somewhat hard before it turned plastic, which would be inconsistent. The clay is already plastic at the start of the poem. Edit: Okay I see what you mean. I omitted "turned" in my edit. Apologies
For me, it still stumbles at 'all...' Made an edit. It was a simpler fix than I thought it would be, but as you're the reader I'd like to hear your thoughts as always
Are you 100% sure about 'sculpting'? Yes
Because up until here I though the 'artist' could have been either a potter or a sculptor. No you're right. The artist could be a potter or sculptor.
Best, Alex.
'Memories, damp and grey, turned...' - might better maintain the metaphor) This would flow into the next line that starts with plastic. This would be saying that the clay that's damp and gray was somewhat hard before it turned plastic, which would be inconsistent. The clay is already plastic at the start of the poem. Edit: Okay I see what you mean. I omitted "turned" in my edit. Apologies
For me, it still stumbles at 'all...' Made an edit. It was a simpler fix than I thought it would be, but as you're the reader I'd like to hear your thoughts as always
Are you 100% sure about 'sculpting'? Yes
Because up until here I though the 'artist' could have been either a potter or a sculptor. No you're right. The artist could be a potter or sculptor.
Best, Alex.