11-16-2017, 03:26 AM
Hi alex
I like the title and opening line, I think both intrigue,
and the 'pottery' metaphor is (potentially) interesting.
But the thought does not seem to be sustained.
L1-4
Do you need 'hands' so soon after 'fingers'?
What is the distinction between 'carved' and 'scored'
(though the latter offers a pun)?
I don't think 'into' is right, just 'in'.
L5-6
You start with a conditional ('if') but don't resolve it.
- If it all fits...then what?
Best, Knot
I like the title and opening line, I think both intrigue,
and the 'pottery' metaphor is (potentially) interesting.
But the thought does not seem to be sustained.
L1-4
Do you need 'hands' so soon after 'fingers'?
What is the distinction between 'carved' and 'scored'
(though the latter offers a pun)?
I don't think 'into' is right, just 'in'.
L5-6
You start with a conditional ('if') but don't resolve it.
- If it all fits...then what?
Best, Knot