schlafes bruder

[CRNDLSM]

It's getting more difficult for me to critique all the time, but I've always forced myself to do it.   I like this poem but my reasons are vague.

schlafes bruder                  sounds German, not going to look it up


my lids turn heavy, tired times,
pale midnight calls me with low chimes,
she guides me with seducing notes,
and in the fog, an ancient boat.  This is pretty nice rhyme and rhythm, and I usually don't consider words with and without 's' at the end cause the s sound is like an abrupt change.  Boat and note, boats and notes
the ferryman leans at the railing
asks if i ever have gone sailing.
i shake my head, he pities me.
“close your lids” says he “and see”.
the ocean was behind my eyes,
if only i were deaf and blind. This one though blends the end rhyme with behind

but whispers mumble through the sea:
“with me no force has hold on thee,
no vow required to earn my trust
and not a thing here is unjust. Period? Colon?
things cruel I will all strip of meaning this sentence doesn't work for me, the twist in syntax and end rhyme 
just ask and you can find reprieve.
my place is warm, you´ll never chill
no doubts shall ever chain your will
here you can fly with broken wings
and play love´s song on ruptured strings.
it´s all you need, untie the lace,
the last residual restraint” I'm seeing a pattern in rhymes and slant rhymes here, lace/restraint works I think because of 'last', but 'it's all you need' is really cheesy

a gasp for breath, confused, awake,
sheets gone, the fallacy decloaked. I like this change in endrhyme 
no anwers in this foggy sea,
it only would erase the queries.i think 'would only' would sound better, as odd as it feels to say queries at the end

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