11-13-2017, 02:39 AM
Hi Cloud,
I like the overall effect of the poem - it gives a sense of a man's feelings of disdain and contempt toward the world, which seems to have come from same feelings toward his mother early on in his life.
What I don't understand is the meaning of L6 within the context of the poem. Are you trying to say that this man realized early on his mortality and shortness of life and as a result this made him angry and fearful? Or am I over-analyzing it?
I agree with previous comment about considering changing L2 to: "seeing nothing he can't understand". Or even "doesn't understand" which might convey cynicism as well??
I also enjoyed the absence of punctuation, though a period after "mind", before "insane" would create dramatic effect if you're interested in going for that.
Very thought provoking poem. Thank you for posting.
A Sense of Discomfort
man spits on the cringing world
he's seeing nothing he can't understand
which has made him madder
than what his mother made him
putting him to bed
to a story of time's turning hand
molesting his mind insane
like asking a child questions
to answers he already knows
I like the overall effect of the poem - it gives a sense of a man's feelings of disdain and contempt toward the world, which seems to have come from same feelings toward his mother early on in his life.
What I don't understand is the meaning of L6 within the context of the poem. Are you trying to say that this man realized early on his mortality and shortness of life and as a result this made him angry and fearful? Or am I over-analyzing it?
I agree with previous comment about considering changing L2 to: "seeing nothing he can't understand". Or even "doesn't understand" which might convey cynicism as well??
I also enjoyed the absence of punctuation, though a period after "mind", before "insane" would create dramatic effect if you're interested in going for that.
Very thought provoking poem. Thank you for posting.
A Sense of Discomfort
man spits on the cringing world
he's seeing nothing he can't understand
which has made him madder
than what his mother made him
putting him to bed
to a story of time's turning hand
molesting his mind insane
like asking a child questions
to answers he already knows
Everything's a metaphor
"People don't know what to do with you when you are not trying to assimilate" Gabrielle Union
"People don't know what to do with you when you are not trying to assimilate" Gabrielle Union