11-08-2017, 11:22 PM
(11-06-2017, 10:18 AM)Nabbit Wrote: Romantic Ideals
If only I had a man so sweet
as the dog shit beneath my feet.
How long he'd cling to my sole
doodyful in his fervent hold
that may be enough for me.
I like how natural the couplets are, and the image is pretty funny but clear.
I do think dutiful might be better than spelling it doodyful. It still gets the point across, but I don't get stuck on the funny spelling.
The last line feels a slight bit redundant, or maybe too long, to me. I would prefer something like "That would be enough". Short but sweet.
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