10-31-2017, 03:09 PM
(10-31-2017, 06:03 AM)Youi Wrote: You've concealed
my heart inside a music box
you'll only open
once I've chimed a final vox. Perhaps my point is a tad monomaniacal, but "vox" easily wrecks the poem for me. Since, in English, vox is used to refer specifically to vocals, the metaphor, where the decidedly vocal speaker is compared to the non-vocal mechanism of a music box, falls apart, not to mention the fact that it sounds like a term the author remembered solely for the sake of rhyme.
In there, you'll find it's changed
and left behind a note:
"I'll never sing for you again, Although, pertaining to my being monomaniacal, perhaps not -- considering this repetition of the final line, the metaphor is further trashed. Again, think in terms of your metaphor: the heart sings, but the music box to which the heart is compared plays notes.
or play a single note."