Coke Zero

[Leanne]

Coke Zero

How did we ever survive 
without Coke Zero
and it’s impossibly delicious *its
sweetness 
sloshing about in the can, 
with no calories 
and no fear, at all?
How did we manage 
to stay awake all night
furiously masturbating
to the internet girls who 
enjoy taking their clothes off
and showing the world 
their buttholes? 
And how did we ever procreate 
without adding 
its chemical stamina 
to Jack Daniels’ liquid confidence,
all over the bars 
and clubs down town?
And how did we force ourselves to work
with the same idiots and the same 
sense of absolute disconnection,
day after day after day,
without its cheeky optimism
for moral support? 
And how could we possibly 
love our friends and families
when inside we’re a seething 
cauldron of hate 
and anger 
and dread?
How did we ever find any meaning
in this world
before we found Coke Zero? 

Thank the Lord God on High for advertising and the nation that gave it to us.  All hail.

With each new product comes a civilisation change.  We only had the Coke that was "It" back in the days of inflatable Live Savers and snortable donuts.  Nobody gave a rat's bleached butthole about BMI or type II diabetes -- not until the era of giving you less, but charging more for it.  Fat free.  Sugar free. Gluten free. Taste free. All to remind you that with every new freedom from perceived dietary disaster you were chaining yourself tighter to the wheel, and it was headed for a fiery death.  If you're lucky, you'll beat cancer and the seizures you get from phenylalanine will keep people interested enough to write a new warning label.  But you'll still hate yourself, and you'll still watch the world hating you through the mirror of your television, your computer monitor, your phone, the surveillance cameras we all need to have on the streets so that nobody remembers there's bad shit going down inside people's houses...

Yeah.  I don't drink Coke of any kind.  Maybe I should, just to fit in.