A handful of dirt

[dedalus87]

Hi Keith,

I really enjoyed this one. As I mention in the detailed comments below, I really liked the melancholic mood of the poem. There were many words and images that built on that: the nod across the crowded bar, the child becoming a young man while the speaker watches, the glistening in the mother's eyes.

My white shirt wouldn't fasten at the kneck
so I filled the gap with a large black knott I don’t like the first two lines. They describe the speaker, but I don’t get much from that, and it’s never really expanded upon.
It should have just been a glance Nice phrasing that sets up some intrigue.
across a crowded bar, a nod to the wise
and a pint half raised.
We were never any good with words.
I think the third verse would make for a much stronger start to the poem. It jumps right into it, and sets up the mood. There’s a beautiful loneliness to the speaker inside a crowded bar that’s suggested which I really like.

A mound of fake grass masks the reality
of freshly dug earth. You’ve been hiding
while the word spread, flowers darkened
and everyone who knew you was your friend. This verse seems off to me. Words spread, flowers darkened, and something did something else is my expectation when reading it. As it is, it seems kind of unsatisfactory.

Finally you arrive, I think of fulcrums
and moments as little Joey shoulders
all your weight again. I don’t recognise you recognize?
as they speak of a child becoming a young man,
but I can see you glisten in your mothers eyes. I enjoyed this image. One interpretation I gave was the speaker looking into the eyes of the guy and seeing his mother’s eyes. It fits in well with the overall mood.

Later we’ll bring you back to life
with good whisky and songs, sell each other stories Good whisky sounds a bit cliché to me here. How about old whisky. It also adds a little more to the melancholy and nostalgia of the whole poem, I think. I like the phrase “sell each other stories” as opposed to tell
of how it always was with you. I also like "and sell" instead of sell and having the line break after other
I’ll see you across the crowded bar, raise my glass
and you’ll know we were never good with words.