10-17-2017, 04:54 AM
Hi cloud, this poem flows really well out loud, and there is a lot of vague meaning packed into such a small poem. The subject is quite apparent but the particular message/ point of view is, as previously mentioned by other critiquers, open to wide interpretation. I feel it’s too wide, and should be re-worked some to make the message more apparent and thus the poem more meaningful and forceful.
The first 2 lines evoked an image of a domineering man standing confidently over humanity with symbols of patriarchy and religion within each half of his brain. The 3 middle lines are what I struggled to make sense out of; I figured the word “madder” meant that the created ideologies that guide man (and by extension, humanity) are actually more detrimental to our lives than beneficial or neutral. The last 4 lines prompted me to imagine a modern boy being read a story about equality and empowered women and he’s distraught while listening. The last line “to answers he already knows” kind of implies our social structure is inherent, hard-wired. I think this is where you can add a couple lines or so describing his thinking, and the conflict/s within him and how they got there. Good Luck!
The first 2 lines evoked an image of a domineering man standing confidently over humanity with symbols of patriarchy and religion within each half of his brain. The 3 middle lines are what I struggled to make sense out of; I figured the word “madder” meant that the created ideologies that guide man (and by extension, humanity) are actually more detrimental to our lives than beneficial or neutral. The last 4 lines prompted me to imagine a modern boy being read a story about equality and empowered women and he’s distraught while listening. The last line “to answers he already knows” kind of implies our social structure is inherent, hard-wired. I think this is where you can add a couple lines or so describing his thinking, and the conflict/s within him and how they got there. Good Luck!