Second Edit: Growth

[Knot]

Hi Richard,
lots to like here.


I miss the nothing days of my youth
Like the opening, though not that keen on the repeated
θ sound in noTHing and youTH (though this could just be my accent).
I do think 'of my youth' (why not 'our'?) weakens the line
('mittens' and 'tears in June' imply youth).

when our worry was a seed.
nice image, do you need 'our'?

Our stomachs rubbed together like two mittens
'our' again. But another good image.
Though you could perhaps break the line after rubbed.

dirty with the year’s first snow.
Our tears were rain in June;
puddles that would always dry up.
not sure what 'puddles' adds here.
'tears/June' seem slightly forced after 'mittens'.
I'd suggest breaking the piece up into smaller segments,
rather than one big chunk, it might help give a greater
sense of movement.

Your silence was not yet a barren tree.
Really good line.
I'd be tempted to cut the lines about leaves altogether,
I think they just dilute this one.

But your colourful leaves would become
words lost,
broken shade all-encompassing.
For me, this doesn't work after 'barren tree'.
Should it not read as;
your colourful leaves
not yet lost
your broken shade
still all-encompassing ?
'Colourful' after the earlies strong images, comes across as rather weak, I think.
Can't quite get 'broken shade' I'm afraid. If it's broken how is it 'all-encompassing'?

I miss the nothing days of our youth.
Don't quite buy the repetition.
It seemed like you were leading up to saying
what it was that changed the 'nothing' to something.
If one seed became a tree, what did N's become? Regret?

Best, Knot.